From the Author: This began as a personal experiment. You should notice very early on that it went drastically wrong. None the less, I had nothing better to do, and hate unfinished fiction, so here it is. Alice’s Adventures which was supposed to be gone sci-fi but which took a wrong turn early and ended up in Crack!fic world. I’m warning you now, this is not intended as any serious attempt at literature, and I would have posted it under a pseudonym if I still had any in use.
Warning! FrequentStrong Language, Drug Use, and Adult themes. This is NOT a bedtime tale for your kids! Crack!Fic (as in that particular style of comedy that has you saying, ‘was the author on crack?’)
Disclaimers: (1) This is obviously based on the 1865 classic tale by Lewis Carroll. ‘Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.’ (That one is for your kids.) This should stand to reason, but, as the old adage goes; “There’s always one, hey!” (2) This contains many references to video and pc games, science-fiction television and movies. Their use is intended only as part of modern entertainment culture. (3) The Duchess, and her sister whilst given the names of two notable people pays homage to the Lewis Carroll characterisation of ‘The Duchess.’ It is not intended as a comment on the character of the persons whose names have been used. While there are references for comedic sake, the actual personalities have been used to remain in keeping with the theme, and the tale at hand. Needless to say, I’ve never met the persons in question in order to have any notion at all of their personality.
Another Fucking Alice Remix
It was a gorgeous spring day; perfect weather to be inside the house, with a pizza, a can of bourbon and the newest World of Warcraft update. Instead, the place was getting fumigated and she was out here with only her iPod and iPad for entertainment. It was another notch in the ‘pro’ column of, ‘why I need my own place.’ She opened the file on her iPad and listed the newest edition directly under ‘I’m 24! It’s just getting a bit pathetic now, really.’
“Who the hell orders fumigators in on the same day as the new WoW update?” Alice Turner-Shaw muttered as she walked through nature strip behind her parents’ home. “I mean, Jesus Christ, I warned them over a MONTH ago!” She paused to add some additions to that effect into the spread-sheet on her iPad before turning it off. Just until she could find a log to sit on, then it would be right back on again. It was then that she saw the rabbit.
The white rabbit was knee-high, wearing a suit and talking to himself. Alice looked at her nutrient water and decided her younger brother’s ‘hobby’ of spiking her food and drink was another thing for the spread-sheet file. Just what she needed on top of being kicked out with no warning and with nowhere to go, on the day that the WoW update came out. Now, she was hallucinating in the woods; that was just fucking brilliant. The rabbit went running past her muttering under his breath, “I’m late. I’m late for a very important date.” Alice began drawing a mental list of what her brother could have given her this time, but paused when she noticed her iPad was missing and the rabbit hallucination had stolen it.
“You thieving little cunt…” Alice cut off the rest of what she was going to say, and any thought of what this giant rabbit might be in real life and ran after it to retrieve her iPad. It was her only source of electronic entertainment for the day, there was no way in hell she was letting some little fucking hallucination steal it. Briefly, she wondered why, of all the things to hallucinate, she was seeing a white rabbit in a suit. No use pondering that now though, she would look up the psychology forums when she got her fucking iPad back.